Please

Life's pretty hectic in Cali. From traveling to parties from friends to girls and beaches from camping, having kickbacks and family....a busy life is a good wonderful excuse to put off things. I've put off the most important personal thing to me...my skin.

I was supposed to go running everyday in an effort to hopefully cure myself or temporarily make it better. I didn't. Not once. Coward. First I used my ulcer as an excuse, which was a legit one as I couldn't even really move, but I would tell myself, after I got better I would right away... Then that came and went, then the next day...and the next..and the next.

Then I went camping had a nice and long talk with God and those beautiful stars and told him to give me the willpower to start running after I went home....then looking outside at that nice and shimmering sol cal heat, I quavered. I shook, shuddered and my will was broken yet again.

Yet God doesn't give up that easy you see. I may, worthless as I am, but He doesn't.

Today, I went broomballing. It's basically hockey on ice with regular shoes, (really really fun.) And something I can play... kind of..... As the ice rink is kept kind of cold so the ice doesn't melt. So I play for my usual 5-10 minutes then the pain gets enough that I stop and go sit down. I have had people come over and ask me why I was being such a wuss and sitting down before. I get people pointing and looking at me like I'm sort of freak...understandable as it's under 30 degrees and I'm drenching myself in ice water. So sometimes I get frustrated and today was one of them. I go back on and decide to just play through the pain as best as I could.

Towards the end the pain stated subsiding...! A sign that the condition will get better for the time being. I felt myself radiating heat, yet I was't keeling over and dying. Jubiliant I decided to seize on this opportunity and had my ride drop me off a mile from my house. I ran that, rested, ran a shorter distance, rested and then ran again. By the end of it there was almost no pain! AND I WAS SWEATING. AHHHH. Not pouring sweat, but sweat that I could touch, and smell, and feel!!!!!!!!


I've really only admitted to one person in my life how much this bothers me. My three greatest passions in life...gone. Sports, violin, and debating...that's taking about 5-9 hours every single day of my life away. Especially violin.....13 years, made nationals, and can't play. I was showing my relatives of me playing years ago...felt like crying. The simplest every day stuff, HURTS. Laughing hurts. Taking a freaking dump hurts. Walking hurts. And then I have to hide it, cause then when people start to notice, people stares... causes heat to rise, and it gets worse and that causes a vicious cycle. People think taking a chemistry test is hard enough, try taking a test and concentrating while you feel like you're being stabbed again and again just cause you're nervous.

Having to go through freaking torture when my STEELERS won the Super Bowl. I used to be unable to play any games or even watch tv with any drama in it....but my pain tolerance has risen dramatically. You NEVER get used to the pain. Ever. It never hurts less, you may have a better tolerance to it but it hurts just the same every freaking day.

Point of why I'm finally saying this is that I ask whoever reads this to pray for me. Cause even though I hide it.....to some more than others..... it really is really really important to me. I ask you to pray that I have the willpower to simply be able to run everyday until the pain hopefully wears off. And that even if it doesn't, and that even if it shows no signs of getting better, that I persist in doing so. Pray that it does have a result though. God I really need your help. Thank you.