Revealed

So I've been watching Prison Break a lot in my downtime. Absolutely captured at how I can be rooting for even former murderers on some occasions. Enthralled, engaged and questioning just how much can you justify atrocious means to achieve a good end.

Through it a piece of human character was also revealed to me. Even these rapists, robbers, convicts....most of them still all loved their family. Oh they were bad people...but when it came to their family...they still loved and cherished them like no other. They still tried to protect them from anything and some... even killers laid down their lives for them.

This brings me to really think. People who had murdered people… yet the next day gave up their life for someone else...Why? Because they cared about them. Simply that. So I realized that showing compassion and generosity to those you care about doesn't really mean much. Being good to only the ones that matter to you doesn't mean much. Well it does...but it's like a selfish love. You love them so of course you're going to care about them....I guess what I'm trying to say here is that it's how you treat other people. The people that you've never met. The people you know, but aren't close to.

The number one trait I personally respect is compassion. Compassion for ALL. What good is it if you serve your friends but you treat everyone else like trash. Of course you're going to treat your friends well (though some people don't even do that)....I’m just saying that's not enough.

Too many judge and too few serve. We all suck, nobody is better than anyone else. Everyone makes a difference. Have the heart to serve everybody. Be the change. :)

Return

Return. Im back in Cali. And I have realized just how different my life is. It's like I live in 2 worlds. College is the place to start anew and afresh...make a new image for yourself....however...



What if you don't want to start anew...Not to say that people didn't like me in college....but it wasn't the same...not nearly...Simply because I wasn't the same person as I was before...People in college didn't grow up with me, they didn't see me pre-senior year. It is so freaking frustating. To know you're limited by something beyond your control...that you no longer can be good at everything.

People in California they love me and respect me for good reason. It's like adoration....people joke about me having fans. People in college... none of that really happens.... for good reason. I'm no longer the person I used to be. Hell now I get pissed when people in college call me a role model and look up to me. I'm a shell of my former self.

Respect happens in many different ways. The one that you get when you're genuine compassionate and nice...that helps people like you....The one you get when you're good at everything....that makes people admire you and follow you...


I come back and the things I say matter again. I'm wanted and important again. And that's y I love Cali.....Spring break I call home and ask people what did they do....everybody goes...not really anything... things are awkward....they all hangout with ppl in college more than in hs. I come back don't ever see each other....I make a few phone calls...and people are back together and we're having the time of our lives. I guess I miss being looked up to. Miss being absolutely respected. I failed in college. Mmmmm more like FAILED...........It will not happen again.

Remedy

You can plan, plan and plan yet really nothing can prepare you for anything. Life is so random and unexpected and sometimes it's beautiful and sometimes it sucks. Flying home I was prepared to be filled with dark thoughts....yet instead God didn't seem to like that...it became a remedy instead to self-loathing. So much has happened in 24 hours I would get sick of writing it all so I will attempt to summarize...

At the airport and on the way back, the friend I was flying back with started asking me about God, after I talked about ACF. It was intense....reminded me of myself a year and a half ago...just a barrage of questions....I’ve been answering many questions throughout the year...but it was NOTHING like this.....It was such a great joy to be able to share Him to someone, especially to someone that was as confused as I was. Such a good feeling to be able to look at him square in the eye and say YES every time he kept asking whether or not there was a God, and whether or not I loved Him. I cannot wait to be able to share my life as a Christian with people back home! SOOOO excited! Pray it goes well please!

During my flight I'm sitting next to a old guy, and in front and to the left...a very attractive girl had sat down. I started talking to the old guy about the relative importance of grades....and stuff, and a bit later the girl turns around and starts talking to me...

To keep it short, Taylor was brilliant…, a straight A's student, played and loved music, competed for dance nationally, and was athletic. Was in leadership and I could tell she really cared for people. She was going to UCSD next fall and lived in St. Louis...plus she wanted to be a pediatrician or something to do with neuroscience (like brain surgeon) like I did...

The more we talked…the more I respected her and realized how many interests we had together… we got off the plane…. she wanted to show me some singers she really liked, and I wanted to show her that ABSOLUTELY AMAZING mix of Love Story and Viva la Vida….she also lived in Chesterfield…. the city…. where I possibly might stay at over the summer. Yet….. I then also realized in terms of a relationship, how important being a strong Christian was to me. That despite everything all the shared interests, and similar passions, and infectious personality, very good looks ..…I couldn’t ever see myself in a relationship with her if she didn’t live her life for Him. This didn’t mean I wasn’t attracted to her, just couldn’t see myself with her. Didn’t even bother to ask for her phone number…though I should have done it…..been months since I’ve asked not in a school setting…..prob need practice….. Anyways….I now understand why Jimmy once said…being a strong Christian was the most attractive thing to him….


This trip showed me nothing's too late. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

I’ve got much more to write about….family…and friends….for starters…but those will be for another day….

I had a dream last night when….I woke up in CALIFORNIA!!!!